Just Rest

Grief is exhausting. It wears you down physically and emotionally. One of the hardest things I struggled with after my husband’s passing was sleep. I was so tired, yet no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t rest. My eyes wouldn’t stay open, and when I closed them, my mind raced. It feels strange for your body to be completely worn out while your mind refuses to calm. I even tried Benadryl, and the most I could get was a few hours. This is normal. Adrenaline is a beast. It floods your system for hours—and even days—after trauma. It takes time to regulate. During this time is when “Swiss Cheese Brain” shows up. You suddenly can’t remember simple things- like your debit card pin number that you have had for 20 years.

If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be: just rest. Rest whenever possible, no matter the time of day. Your sleep schedule will reset in time. What matters most is giving your body and mind a chance to decompress and regain clarity. A foggy, scattered mind is impossible to function with, and rest is the only remedy.

I learned early on that you don’t have to sleep to rest. Lying still with your eyes closed is also beneficial. It lowers your heart rate, relaxes your muscles, and helps your mind follow suit. Your brain is usually the last to let go, but the body can guide it toward calm.

Controlling your thoughts is equally important. You must take command of your mind during these moments. Don’t allow it to race unchecked. Decide what you will think about and what you will put aside. Tell yourself, “Now is not the time for this stress. Now is the time to rest.” Picture yourself in a peaceful setting—a walk on the beach, the sun on your face, sand between your toes. When your mind drifts back to pain or worry, gently redirect it. Rest comes from focus and intention.

Distraction can also help. Noise or dialog that captures your attention can halt the endless internal monologue. For me, ambient noise alone isn’t enough. A TV show, audiobook, or conversation works better. Everyone has to find what interrupts their own mental loop, but the principle is the same: give your brain a break.

Take a hot shower before lying down. There’s something about it that soothes the mind, loosens tight muscles, and symbolically washes away the pain. It’s an invaluable practice for both body and spirit.

Movement helps too. Go outside. Breathe deeply. Let the sun hit your face. Avoid isolating yourself in a dark room. Sitting and staring at walls doesn’t change your disposition, however walking, stretching, or simply moving your body can make a profound difference in how you feel.

Most importantly, talk to someone. Share what is heaviest on your heart. Let them help you process it. After my husband’s passing, I struggled with guilt over what I might have missed the night before he died. Talking with a doctor helped me understand that what I saw wouldn’t have alerted most professionals, and talking with a friend reminded me that Doug wouldn’t have gone to the hospital anyway. Sometimes, we need someone else to help sort through the muck. It can make a huge difference.

Rest is important, because without it, processing grief is nearly impossible. It replenishes your energy and restores your mental capacity, so make it a priority as much as possible.

Most of all, turn to the Lord. He says, “Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). The rest He gives the soul is the most important. It strengthens you to face another day. Grief is heavy, but it will get lighter. You will make it through this. One day, you will hear the birds sing and feel the sun on your face without the constant ache in your heart. For now, just rest.